"All I want is the chance to do something great." - Chicken Little
I've been afraid of this blog for a long time.
The idea of actually putting my thoughts out into the universe is downright terrifying.
When said out-loud, the reasons are silly. I'm afraid people will confront me argumentatively. I'm afraid I will not be able to give a satisfactory answer to someone who disagrees with my take. I'm afraid that people will hate on my writing and thus delegitimize my English degree or my three years as a writing tutor at BYU.
Maybe most of all, I'm afraid to fail again. To have this blog fall into disrepair and someone down the road will stumble upon it, laugh and point out to me how--once again--another one of Danny's crazy ideas flopped before it could even take-off.
People can be cruel, but none is more cruel than I am to myself (a truth that my wife, my therapist and those closest to me are kindly helping me to overcome). It's amazing, actually, how ruthlessly I can tear apart anything that I do as worthless and a complete failure, and in the same breath genuinely laud even the most meager accomplishments of others. I'm hoping that somewhere in this writing exercise, I can develop a little more self-love in an attempt to manage that voice.
That said, I'm not naive. Trolls are gonna troll, especially on controversial (i.e. interesting) material. But I know that they don't matter, even if they are fomenting the caustic inner voice tearing apart my insides. I still believe that the goodness of fellow humans always wins out and that in all likelihood, there will be people who actually enjoy reading what I have to say and share here-and-there.
Of one thing I am sure: if I never put myself out there, I am guaranteed to lose. By doing nothing, I will guarantee the very fate I most fear: failure.
So this is my attempt to connect--to be heard and to listen, to put myself out there in ways that make my little palms sweat and cause my stomach to sink in terror.
I'm not sure what you can expect from this blog. I have no idea how regularly I'll be posting, nor can I say for sure what the content will be. There is a good chance it is filled with everything from rants about my quasi-abusive relationship with the Angels (Mike Trout, excepted of course) to my reactions to the latest political happenings to ruminations on eternity and The Bachelorette.
I guess we'll find out.